I went commando to church today.
Yesterday I had a 24 hour flu bug and used the down time to listen to my filthy, nasty thoughts and contemplate the meaning of existence as one is wont to do when they are ill. Sex and the City re-runs would have certainly been a much healthier approach, but that didn’t occur to me until it was too late.
I laid in bed reading Anne Lammott, nostalgic for my days of simple faith. So I decided I would go looking for it today. I decided that I would go to either the Center for Spiritual Living OR the Presbyterian Church down the street from me. Based on time, I chose the hokey pokey New Age church.
The perks:
french vanilla creamer for my coffee
The woman who spoke shared my sense of humor and I almost peed myself, which as you can imagine would have been messy.
I sat next to my friend, Elle who is ALWAYS so happy and positive. I love her for multiple reasons, but sometimes I want to mess up her hair, put my hands on my hips and say, “No one is that happy all the time. Don’t you have some deep wound you can sulk and cry about?”
We did a great creative visualization and I got to spend some time in my imagination forgiving people. Hopefully, I can take that out into the world with me.
I got hooked on the idea of prayer again. And positive thinking. Will try both this week.
The un-perks:
I cried. I can’t walk into a church or any religious place without crying. It got so bad that at one point, I almost blurted out “Clean up aisle 4!”
For an hour, I became aware of how closed and angry and fearful I am. So I closed my eyes and said to God, “I’m a fucking disaster down here and could use a little help.”
The lady next to me grabbed my hand at the end of the service as we swayed back and forth to the music. That was a little much.
I think next week, I will take it down a notch and try the Presbyterian Church.
gosh i love you
for real?